Sarah Palin, First MILF of Stockdalian Proportions

The desire to write on this subject is like the consideration one takes when deciding whether or not to tug one off while at half mast. Certainly, I could follow through with my Olson twin fantasy and leave a white-on-white splatter in my bathroom sink for my gypsy maid to tell my fortune with, or, quit fiddlin' the fiddler and keep watching the Couric-Palin interview on YouTube. Tough choice but, rest assured, there is a solution.

Perhaps I'm a leftist minority when I say that John McCain is a friggin' genius! The moment he announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, all media scrutiny of him practically vanished. All he has had to do is sit back and play puppet master, allowing the political left to make fools of themselves. First in line were the feminists, angrily shouting that her selection was an insult to women across the nation. Their assumption that her selection was an attempt to draw women toward the McCain camp is just as myopic as what they are accusing our little elfen POW of in the first place.

Johnny-boy, you have impressed me, sir. You see, ladies and gentlemen, this is what we call free advertising. With Obama raking in nearly double the campaign dough as McCain, the old codger really has to budget his campaign smartly. One thing the last two elections illustrated was the power of the religious right mobilizing the vote over the apathy of the left. US Democrats also have this fantastic talent of opening their big yaps and making so much noise that we quickly lose sight of what's happening. The more we cry foul that Palin's selection is a shocking insult; the more we hear about her uber-christian-conservative values; the more pictures we see of her spread out on a bear-skin rug; the more we see her shrug at intellectualism; the more we see her flex diplomatic bravado ala Theodore Roosevelt (remember, he was REALLY fucking popular, and still is); the more we see her flash those gams and show a little cleave while nibbling on a pen cap or a Starbuck's straw; the more we see her demonstrate prideful ignorance about things you can't read on the paper place mats at Applebee's, the more she ultimately resonates with the political right that was threatening to abandon McCain. Let's get real here, does anyone really believe that McCain actually thought Palin's selection would fool the women of America? That's just silly. What he has done is solidify the entire political right, and will attract a sizeable flock among the female swing voters who are that stupid (Lynn Forester). Bravo, sir!

"But Hugh, what was that about the bear skin rug?"

Yes sir, you have a good eye! McCain has also demonstrated his remarkable taste in smokin' hot babes. Sarah Palin comes straight from the pages of BookwormBitches.com. Indeed, a tasty MILF. Hard to believe she pumped five units through them narrow hips (there must have been some surgery involved). Makes me want to see them in action. For every female swing voter Palin sends to the Dems, three fellas are getting in line to poke her hole on the ballot.

This Thursday evening, Mrs. Palin will throw on her best pantsuit, her patented coiffure, a Berretta tucked in her belt, and square up with Joe Biden. I can just imagine her staff prepping her for the show backstage:

*Slap!* "SARAH! This is important...you can't fuck this up!"

"What do you mean? I'll just have him fired...teehee!"

"No, really, you're going to be asked very hard questions out there tonight...harder than the ones Katie Couric asked you. Also, you'll already be standing still, so you can't stop walking to gather your thoughts."

"Katie was a bitch...I want her fired."

"You can't have her fired just because you looked like a rambling idiot."

"She was using black magic on me...can I say "black magic"? Or should I say African-American magic? You just can't keep track these days...can't say colored, can't say eskimo..."

*Slap!* "SARAH! We have 45-seconds to showtime...you CAN'T pull an Admiral Stockdale out there!"

"Who?"

"Aww jeez. Listen, if you can't answer the question, don't try to wing it. Just give a giggle, arch you back, and kick up a heel."

"I'm good at that!"

"I know, you'll be fine. Remeber, what's the difference between a Hockey Mom and a pitbull?"

"Lipstick! I know that one too! Tee-hee!"

"Aww...go git'em tiger!"