...as Bush openly supports murder, freedom reigns

“He pulls the weeds and he does the chores,

runs both ways to all the stores,

he works up an appetite that way.”

- from “Roly Poly” by Bob Wills

So, it’s something like this: An afternoon out shopping with the family, right? Ok, fulfillment of the American dream in the consumer’s paradise. Mom and pop stores are a thing of the past. Jerry’s Hardware has been closed for years ever since Nick Johnson bought into an Ace franchise option. But today, even Nick is thinking of throwing in the towel. First, it was a Pep Boys. Then, a Wal-mart moved in just off the interstate. Then a Home Depot moves in on Portage Rd…and now a Lowe’s. Nick’s alright, though. His retirement is near, the college trust funds have long since been spent, the house on the lake is paid for…life is good.

It doesn’t make much sense to take the kids for a trip to Nick’s. It’s a small shop where kids simply have difficulty relating to the concept of community.

“Mom! I found…”

“Honey, I’m talking to Mr. Johnson, just a minute.”

“MOM!! C’mon! Hurry up! I wanna show you sumthin’!”

Children don’t recognize boundaries anymore. A broken 27-button video game controller has replaced the age-old errant flying object that went into the neighbor’s yard, on their roof, through their window, etc. Unplugged downtime represents a maddening absence of external stimulation that indirectly keeps pharmaceutical shareholders and customers grinning from ear to ear. So, how do we accommodate? We build them “safe” and organized spaces to run.

Public parks are simply NOT an option anymore. Swing sets, teeter-totters, and jungle gyms equal broken bones and the inevitable braining. Those wide open fields where the children could run free and truly release could have a hole where the little precious could turn an ankle. And, don’t get me started on the perverts. Besides, in a public park, who do you pass the blame to if your child gets a bump or a scrape? The 1950’s construct of the nuclear family and suburban living is downright barbaric and uncivilized. At all times, a suffocating radius of fifteen feet, from parental unit(s) (the nucleus) to the brat(s) (electron(s)), must be maintained for the vain pretense of parental control. In today’s progressive age, such proximities in open public might actually require actual participation in play…no, no, no…what if you’re seen!? Note to self, refill Xanax script. Nope, a proper “family” environment requires separate and easily discernable activities for each, child and adult.

We return to Nick’s Hardware. Chances are, he doesn’t have a foam box or urine soaked ball pit in which to deposit the electrons. And you don’t need to get just a paint brush or a length of two-by-four. You need to restock the toilet paper and juice box supplies. The Lunchables and Hotpockets are also getting dangerously low. The lawn appears to need fertilizer and most importantly, you must NEVER forget, any atomic movement that does not result in a mini-breakdown requires positive reinforcement (toy/video game/fast food, or any combination of the three if not satisfactorily included in the kid’s meal). And the toy store is on the other side of town.

Traveling from one small shop to the next simply isn’t feasible in this new age of renaissance suburbia, acreage, and consumerism. One-stop shopping, discount prices, the geriatric greeters at the door foreshadowing your own pathetic destiny, the delicate ballet of SUV’s and minivans in a prefab, over-planned corporate nightmare “intended” to make life better. Lovely. The kids just don’t give a shit. In this day and age their time requires more external stimulation than the world could ever promise. Eventually, their intelligence becomes more sophisticated, though, short of an understanding of economic efficiency, and so do their reactions to inevitable boredom. The result…well… Columbine. But who’s thinking long term these days? Ya know?

So, fuck it! Let’s build the biggest goddamned store we can…one you can see for miles (half of which is parking lot), and it has EVERYTHING. Sam’s Club, Costco, not just Walmart but Super Walmart…what used to be satisfied by modest department stores now requires sprawling monoliths of consumer opportunity. Fifty years off from the last slurp of the straw in Saudi and we still can’t get enough. It’s a vicious cycle, larger vehicles are required to carry the increased sizes in packaging, and these larger spaces encourage greater purchasing in an effort to fill them. I find it interesting that the level of obesity in children is increasing as the surroundings only promise bigger and bigger portions.

One could ask, “Is this increase in consumerism and corporate growth dogmatic?” Buddha always appears rotund very content when depicted. Classical descriptions of Heaven promise endless human pleasure and consumption. The opposite end of the road has been illustrated by tales such as Tantalus, who is forever reaching for grapes that are always just out of reach. The Greek gods consumed ambrosia, of which the Betty Crocker equivalent is a marshmallow and fruit cocktail casserole. The very foundation of capitalism is consumption. Consumption directly influences and guides politics and governance, which is steeped in religion. So, with the transitive property…OK OK! My logic is critically flawed. But one has to ask, what drives this?

The greatest irony is this: the ultimate store has already been built. The Internet is acquiring new vendors at a blinding rate. So, when we finally drain our fossil fuels and those carbon guzzling vehicles sit dead and leaking in our manicured driveways and streets, will demand still require those stores and their parking lots? Will the empty husks be cast away and lands recycled for community and recreational purposes? Goodness, will the children of tomorrow actually be able to play outside if the land isn’t used for cars, trucks, SUV’s, minivans and shopping centers? For those of you with children who do play outside, thank you. Don’t ever let them lose that.

VOTE BUSH/HALIBURTON 2008!!!