Who Moves on to the Next Round?

I find it shocking...well, maybe that's a stretch, I don't really find anything all that shocking anymore. I find it interesting that...well, here we go again, I'm generally turned off by the fusion of popular culture and politics that typify this supercharged media existence we collectively, but only somewhat, experience. I mean, really, who can actually absorb the volume of media required these days to make an informed decision about politics? I won't succumb to apathy, I will vote. But, for who? And why?


A couple of years ago ,when Hillary and Barack were targeted as the most likely candidates to duke it out for a Democratic nomination, during the prime of the Schrub administration, my heart sank. At the risk of sounding both racist and sexist, I was, and still am, firmly disappointed in the political left of our nation. Granted, Barack Obama's rhetoric about change is encouraging, and Hillary Clinton comes with Bill (though not much else), a man I respect and admire. However, in the middle of such delicate international and domestic politics, this is not the time to test the waters of social equality. It's not that we don't need more diversity in our government, we really do. But I'm convinced that if we put a gender, or ethnic, minority up against a good ol' boy, we are going to have another Republican president that will happily continue to support the ass-fucking our country and world is currently receiving. But we can't help not watch it happen. It's absolutely impossible to tear our attention away. It's like that bloody wreck on the side of the road that you can't peel your eyes away from. Only, it's immediately outside your window and you're stopped in a traffic jam. All of the gore, the little chunks of bone and tissue dribbling down the jagged fissure of a broken steering column; the bloodied baby still crying; the dead mother with those half-open eyes and that impossible posture, balanced on the pavement...then you hear an announcement on the radio:

"This is Ryan Seacrest reminding you not to miss tonight's exciting episode of American Idol: Season 7. That's right, last night it was the guys, and tonight the girls are going to show their stuff and give you a chance to vote which one could give Simon Cowell the best hummer. Tune in tonight at 8/7 Central to find out who will move on to the next round!"

You look at your watch and notice you only have 20 minutes to go.

As you, my dear reader, may now know, I have a television. I went for six years without owning one. Now, after countless hours of watching the fabulous Kimora Lee Simmons on the E! Entertaintment network, I am completely unable to comprehend what the hell I did with my time for all those years prior. I generally switch between about four Networks (E!, Star World, Discovery Travel & Living, and CNN with a BBC or Al-Jazeera chaser), but pay for thirty.

Lately, I've been watching American Idol. It's on now as a matter of fact. Perhaps, it is the cognitive anesthetization keeping me fom thinking about other things more relevant. However, today's news about the Clinton-Obama debates in Texas, that assuages any trickle of hope for intelligence or appropriateness from our press corps, has me happily gulping groomed bubblegum and pop-culture idealism for a new generation. Apparently, Barack Obama is a person to "beat". Now, they didn't say "lynched", but this is the era of political correctness. Without any other intellectual stimulation coming from the Associated Press, I turn my attention back to the audio-visual morphine pouring out through the satellites that are NOT currently being shot out of the sky.

"So, Hugh. What do you expect, you arrogant fuck? Can you think of something better? Do you think you could do a better job?"

Yes, but I'm far too lazy. I can barely contribute to this damned blog more than a few times a year (I'm working to change this). However, I think the answer can be found in American Idol. There is a striking similarity between this popular culture phenomena and the presidential race. Despite waning interest in reality television, American Idol stills captivates the minds of those with access. The parallel in the presidential race lies in a lackluster interest in the political process, an argument well supported by statistics in comparison to other developed democratic nations throughout the world. Americans don't vote. But, damnit, we fucking love our gossip and dirty laundry. Don Henley even wrote a hit song about it. Not that we'll actually make it out to the polls,

"Oh, I was at work." (actually, a sadly legitimate excuse)
"My vote doesn't count."
"I don't like the choices."
- insert bitch-ass excuse here-

but we love to have something to talk about at the water cooler. And what could be better to make us feel thoughtful, or part of a citizenry, than being up to date on the current goings-on of the democratic process. Like, who has been eliminated this week? Will Huckabee stay the course and upset McCain? Will that sassy rocker chick from Indiana pull through? Will Clinton and Obama join forces and run together? Will American Idol blow everybody's mind and launch a new super duo like Peaches and Herb or Captain and Tannille?

Personally, I'm vying for a Survivor-esque primary where all candidates are dropped off in Newark with nothing but an eight-ball and a block of government cheese. Once again, I think the Dems have an advantage. Obama might start a youth group where the kids can turn the eight-ball into a profitable venture, or Clinton can turn tricks to buy another one. Huckabee certainly wouldn't last long, though McCain could potentially offer us an explosive demonstration, closely resembling Rambo IV, as he soldiers his way to glory and eventually takes Jersey City as well. Nothing but pure entertainment for the whole family here. All I need now is an agent and a studio...there's money to be made here folks...drop me an email.